SLIGHTLY RACIST ONION ARTICLE (IT WOULD BE IN THE ONION. IM NOT RACIST!)

POPE: JEWS NOT RESPONSIBLE IN DEATH OF JESUS CHRIST

Today at the Vatican, the Pope declared that no longer should the Jewish people be blamed for the death of the Christian savior, Jesus Christ.  The pope proudly stood on the balcony and proclaimed to the crowds below, “Today, I declare that no longer shall Christians blame the Jews for the death of Jesus.  Come on guys, can we really blame them?  I mean we have Mel Gibson, so I think we’re pretty equal.  We should just drop it and not blame the Jews anymore.  Come on guys!”  When asked his opinion on what the Pope declared, John Jacobstein said, “This is an historic day.  Finally, I can walk down the street without someone yelling ‘Hey! You killed Jesus!’ I will be outside much more now.”  Many people question the Pope’s declaration.  Mel Gibson is leading the front of “THE P.R.I.C.K.S.”(The Pope Is Crazy Kill Semites).  THE P.R.I.C.K.S are a group of self-proclaimed bible experts who believe their interpretation of the bible and pretty much everything else is better than anyone else’s.  THE P.R.I.C.K.S. intend to make sure that everyone hears their intolerant, close-minded, idiotic ideas and that everyone believes them.  We interviewed Mr. Smith, a common sense expert, and his response to THE P.R.I.C.K.S. was “What the fuck is this?! The fuck are these guys thinking?! Are they trying to make Americans look like ignorant dumbasses?  These people are the epitome of our global society.”  Clearly common sense is not one of the ideals of THE P.R.I.C.K.S.  Jews everywhere are celebrating the good news despite THE P.R.I.C.K.S.  They are all going out to temple, shopping thriftily, and managing peoples money free of charge.  Clearly the Jewish community is ecstatic about what the Pope has declared.  Some believe that this is just a campaign tactic that the Pope is using for his Presidential Candidacy in 2012.  To check out the current status of THE P.R.I.C.K.S., the Jews, or the Pope’s Presidential Candidacy, go to the website “POPEFORPREZ.ORG” or “WEARETHEPRICKS.COM” We asked a local stoner what he thought about this whole situation, and his reply was “Whoa man that blows my mind!” followed by some undeterminable muttering that only the words GOD, DORITOS, BUBBLER, LEGALIZE, and TOFU could be clearly heard.  My editor insists that I have a minimum of 400 words in this article so to wrap this article up, I shall include a bunch of meaningless words that don’t relate at all to this article in any way.